Does he really love you, or are you just his backup plan?

In today’s dating world, many women unknowingly find themselves as a man’s backup plan—someone he keeps close while he explores other options.

You may spend time together, he may even say all the right things, but deep down, you feel something is off.

Being a backup plan means you’re not his first choice—you’re his safety net. And trust me, you don’t want to be anyone’s second option. But how do you know if he truly loves you or if he’s just keeping you on standby?

Here are some clear signs he’s not fully invested:

1. He’s hot and cold

One moment, he’s showering you with affection, texting you all day, and making plans. The next, he disappears or becomes distant.

If he only shows interest when it’s convenient for him, he’s not prioritising you—he’s keeping you in his rotation. True love is consistent, not something that changes based on his mood or availability.

2. He avoids serious conversations about the future

When you bring up commitment, exclusivity, or the future, does he get nervous or change the subject? A man who sees you as a priority will want to secure his place in your life. If he’s always dodging those conversations, it could mean you’re just an option.

Have an honest conversation about what you both want and if he gives vague answers or says he’s not ready, take that as a sign. Don’t waste time waiting for someone to “figure things out”—you deserve clarity.

3. He only puts in effort when he thinks he’s losing you

Ever noticed that when you pull away or start dating someone else, he suddenly acts like the perfect boyfriend? That’s not love, it’s fear of losing his backup option. If he truly loved you, he wouldn’t wait for competition to step up.

4. He never really introduces you to his world

When a man loves you, he’ll proudly introduce you to his friends, family, and colleagues. But if he keeps you hidden, never invites you to important events, and dodges your questions about meeting his inner circle, he’s not serious about you.

5. He talks about other women too casually

A man who truly loves you won’t keep talking about his ex, female “friends,” or potential love interests. If he constantly mentions other women, compares you to them, or flirts openly, he’s showing you that he’s keeping his options open.

6. He’s emotionally unavailable

He enjoys your company but avoids deep emotional connections. He doesn’t open up about his feelings, problems, or dreams. He may even be affectionate, but only on a surface level. This is a major red flag that he’s not emotionally invested in you.

If any of these signs sound familiar, take a step back and ask yourself: Am I truly happy in this relationship?

Real love is consistent, secure, and prioritising. You deserve someone who chooses you without hesitation, not someone who keeps you in the background while they search for better options.

If you realise you’re just a backup plan, don’t settle. Walk away with your dignity intact, because the right person will never make you feel like an option.

Culled from: Pulse

Breaking

Does he really love you, or are you just his backup plan?

1. He’s hot and cold

2. He avoids serious conversations about the future

3. He only puts in effort when he thinks he’s losing you

4. He never really introduces you to his world

5. He talks about other women too casually

6. He’s emotionally unavailable

By Joshua Tosin Ogunsakin

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